She was so excited! Her dad and I were excited for her as she has thought long and hard about the tattoo’s. Once the excitement subdues, my brain starts in. Tattoo’s mean she is 18. Jack was 18. She has now lived longer than he did by a month. He wanted a tattoo, but his was so expensive that he was going to have to save for it. He wanted a 9/11 Firefighter commemorative tattoo. We paid for her tattoo’s because we didn’t want to regret not having done so if something happened- only a parent that has lost a child thinks this way about every decision. Next brain trick, he chose his tattoo because he wanted to be a firefighter in the military. The military wouldn’t take him because of his ADHD. He made mistakes in his youth that left our local fire department not interested in him attending their academy. He died with a whole life ahead, but also having walked through a whole lot of struggles. Sure, some were self created by choices, but others were just because of his chemical make-up, hyper -impulsive-dyslexic- these labels haunt our kids. We tell our kids they can be anything they want to be. We told Jack all his life- you are special, you are loved, and you can be anything you want to be. We sought diagnosis which led to labels which limited him. Next brain trick, should we not have labeled him? Should we have hidden all the diagnosis’ and let him navigate without the assistance, meds, and aid that the labels provided? If he couldn’t have been a firefighter or in the military, what would he be doing? Some of his friends are in College, some are working, some are married, and others are having babies. What would his path have been? One exciting moment, the celebration of a tattoo with my living child triggered an avalanche. So I sit with my thoughts and wonder. Then a text dings. Pictures of the new tattoo’s… Love Big in his handwriting and a semi-colon. Both carry so much meaning for my now 18 year old. She conveys that she wanted them in places the world would see even though her dad and I encouraged her to have the ability to cover them up for professional reasons. She says, “The world needs to see these and ask me about them so I have the chance to explain them and why they are so very important.” Maybe Jack is not moving on with life decisions and choices, but one choice he made everyday was to Love Big and his sister is going to tell the world. Now my brain has come full circle. This is an everyday occurrence. Living in the moment with Nathan and the girls- trigger-questioning-back around to #loveBIG.