Two weeks ago Sarah and I got to travel to Missouri to share in a beautiful wedding ceremony for my niece Claire and her new husband Jake. I would like to tell you the story sometime, because it represents a Christ centered love story for the ages. They are perfect for each other and their placement of God first in their relationship will always guide their marriage.
We had to leave Olivia at home for this trip for a school function and Sarah was a little anxious about that, but Abbie was flying in to meet us and we were excited to see our oldest. All of the way to Missouri, Sarah didn’t feel good, but we wrote that off to a stressful week of work and looked forward to the weekend to come. We arrived in time to witness a really cool rehearsal dinner and saw a group of amazing young people celebrating Claire and Jake. Sarah still didn’t feel “right”, her words so we went back to the hotel early with Abbie and went to bed.
Saturday brought a day of hanging out with family and in the early evening we headed to the wedding. Sarah was still complaining of her neck and shoulder hurting and I told her that we needed to check that out when we got home. I didn’t get to sit with her and Abbie at the ceremony or the reception because I was running the music for both. I introduced the wedding party and we all ate dinner and it was time for speeches and the first dance. Claire and Jake were beautiful together and I was feeling a little melancholy that Jack would never have that earthly experience.
All of a sudden I hear my brother in law screaming my name and telling me Sarah is sick. When I get to the other side of the tent, she is in the grass with Abbie holding her head and screaming “Mom, Mom, Mom”! As I get to her she is not conscious, Abbie is crying and I cannot wrap my head around what is happening. I decide that Sarah is having a heart attack, her pulse is thready, she can’t breathe and when she opens her eyes she is clutching her chest and can’t breathe or speak. There is a wonderful lady who is a nurse that comes in to my field of vision, I manage to tell someone to call 9-1-1, an ambulance is on the way. I am now holding Sarah and thinking, how do Abbie and Olivia survive losing their Mom? I have memories of having to call Abbie and tell her about Jack. I remember Abbie’s guttural reaction when I told her and I am thinking, I cannot make that call to Olivia. My wife is going to die in my arms and I have no idea how I will go on without her.
The ambulance arrives and my wife is now fighting me and not wanting to go with them and not wanting me to leave her, but she still cannot breathe and her pulse is all over the place and her oxygen levels are not good. We get her on the stretcher and up the long hill to the ambulance. They get her loaded and head to the hospital. Abbie and I ride in our car, with someone else driving. I keep seeing the lights of the ambulance going on for a while then off, then on again. The friend driving my car tells me that this is a good sign, they are not in a hurry, but in my mind I am wondering if Sarah has died in that ambulance and there is no need to hurry. I am irrational and I am mad that I am unable to fix this. I am also thinking that if the worst has happened, my wife will be with my son, and she would not think that was a bad thing, but I would be really mad at her for leaving us.
When I walk in to the ER, Abbie and I can hear her talking to the ER doc and she is mad that they are making her undress in front of them, Abbie kind of smiles at me and says, “I think she is doing better!” The ER doc comes out and explains that he is extremely worried about her heart. She is either having a heart attack or some type of Aortic episode. He wants a CAT scan and an MRI of her chest and shoulder. He tells me she is not out of trouble yet and he needs those tests immediately. He informs me that we are at the best level 1 trauma center for 200 miles and that she is in good hands, then she is gone. He has a lot of questions for me about our weekend and things going on in our lives. HA! He was not prepared for the story he got, at this point I want my wife fixed, so he gets our whole story. Jack, missed weddings, sadness and heart break, our daughter back in Kentucky…I even tell him about a tattoo that my wife got that morning, like that could have anything to do with anything. He takes it all in and then he is gone. Ten minutes they tell us, 20 minutes max and they will bring Sarah back. 2 ½ hours later they bring her back, she is feeling a little better but still has tremendous pressure in her chest. I have to be honest, she looks exhausted and scared and embarrassed about all of the fuss, but she kisses me and tells me she loves me and I feel myself breathe for the first time in 3 hours. I sit there and hold her hand and we wait for the doctor to come in with the test results.
When he comes in, he says, “Mrs. Paris, you have a very healthy heart and all of the tests are unremarkable. I think you have pulled or torn a muscle in your shoulder and neck.” He then sat down and asked a lot of questions about Jack. He also asked about Abbie and Olivia and their ages in relation to Jack.
He then began to cry, see the doctor has three kids, a boy sandwiched by two girls, all three years apart and he cannot fathom what we are dealing with. He asked us about our Faith and I tell him that our relationship with Christ is what has kept us going through all of this and he just nods his head. He says to Sarah, “I am going to release you and I need you to go rest. When you get home, I need you to see your doctor and I also want you to see your counselor and explain to them what is going on. He adds, I would like for you to google a topic, it’s called “Broken Heart Syndrome.” It is real and stress and anxiety can bring on an episode that perfectly mimics a heart attack and I think that this is what has occurred tonight.
I am thinking as I am listening to him, “brother, you have no idea!” I will suffer with broken heart syndrome for all of my days, maybe not as severe as what I have witnessed in Sarah this day, but yes, every day. I will never know what Jack’s wedding day will look like. But I do have this, Jack is with our Father and he is joyous and some day we will be reunited. Not today Sarah, this was not the day, but soon and I am ready for that as I know you are, but I am also so very thankful that you did not leave us, because we can live with joy in this world while we wait for our eternal home. We will live and survive and thrive, but we will do all of that with a broken heart, for all of our days.